A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

January is usually the time when I post about how much I hate the cold, or about how much I hate how midwesterners drive in the cold. Today I thought I'd do something a little different. Below is a picture that accurately sums up the midwest experience for me:

For those of you who can't read the sign, it says "Free Mullet Removal." And yes, this huge sign was posted roadside here in Minnesota within the last few years. Because in Minnesota, the mullet is still an acceptable hair style, 25 years after it's 15 minutes of fame.

Bah Humbug-er's

Ah, the Christmas season. A time filled with decorations, parties, friends and family...

And shopping. Lots and lots of shopping.

I am a diehard Black Friday shopper. I've been doing it for years. There is nothing like the feeling of excitement that comes when one starts eargerly anticipating the arrival of the Thanksgiving paper and the included Black Friday ads.

I am a sucker for doorbusters, jewelry in particular. The Friday after Thanksgiving is the only morning of the year when I will voluntarily get up well before the crack of dawn to score $15 pearls or $10 earrings.

Each year the stores are opening earlier and earlier, and many of the major department stores find themselves competing with each other for customers. Both JCPenney's and Kohl's, stores that I routinely hit on Black Friday, opened at the 4AM this year. Herberger's, a midwest department store, opened at 3AM. All had excellent sales on jewelry, which presented a quandry for me.

For those of you who do Black Friday shopping, you know that many of the high profile door buster items are cleaned out within the first five minutes of the store opening. Picking which store to go to first is the equivalent of deciding which doorbuster you want the most. But many of the stores solved that problem for you this year by offering online shopping.

Herberger's was one store that offered customers the option to buy selected doorbusters online on Thanksgiving. Even though it was the only store opening at this time, it was a welcome discovery for me, becauase a) Herberger's is always obnoxiously crowded on Black Friday, b) I wasn't real excited about the 3AM opening, because c) it's freakishly cold in Minnesota at 3AM on the last Friday in November.

So, decked out in my comfy jammies and in the warmth of my own house, I solved my Herberger's dilemma on Thanksgiving by ordering all of the doorbuster merchandise I wanted online.

I received a confirmation email immediately, listing all of the merchandise I had just ordered. I then went to go get ready for Thanksgiving, quite proud of my shopping accomplishment.

The e-mail confirmation stated that my order would ship in 7-10 days. Sure enough, about a week later, a box from Herberger's appeared at our doorstep. However, it did not contain the full order. I received an email saying the rest of the items would be shipped shortly.

I waited another week, eagerly checking the mailbox each night to see if a package had arrived. When that week had passed, and still nothing had arrived, I began to get a little nervous. I had originally purchased all these items for gift exchanges we would be part of or as gifts for other people, and Christmas was rapidly approaching. I called the customer service number on the order confirmation to check the status of my order. I waited...and waited...and waited...and then decided that I could watch a little TV with one ear and keep the other ear open for the promised representative that was supposed to be with me shortly. I watched an entire half hour TV sitcom while waiting for that stupid representative before deciding the situation was ridiculous, and I would call back from work tomorrow when I could at least put the call on speaker phone so I could work while waiting for a human to pick up the phone.

The next day at work I made the call, put it on speaker phone, and waited another 20 minutes for a representative, only to find out that the remainder of the items I had ordered were not in stock. Now, this initially wasn't that big of a deal to me. I figured that the items were backordered, and, while we might not have them in time for Christmas, they would at least arrive sometime thereafter. A late present is better than no present at all.

But the items had not been backordered. Instead of trying to fill the rest of my order, Herberger's canceled it. THEY CANCELED IT. I was told by the poor person on the other end of the line who was in no way responsible for my situation but was having to deal with my wrath because of it that I should have received an e-mail notifying me of the cancelation.

I received no email. There was never any correspondence indicating that the order had been canceled. I received only two e-mails from Herberger's: the order confirmation and the shipping notice, wherein they said the rest of the items would be sent shortly.

Not only am I down several gifts I was counting on having days before Christmas, but I am down doorbuster jewelry items. These were not items we would purchase as gifts at regular price. Days before Christmas, there is no way we were going to find gifts of the same quality at the same price as the jewelry I had ordered. Furthermore, the entire problem could have been avoided if I had just done the shopping in-store the day after Thanksgiving; I could have left the store with the actual items in hand. But I didn't, because I thought I had finished all of my shopping online.

There was no indication on the Web site when I ordered that these items were not in stock. Apparently the people at Herberger's have never heard the old addage "If it's not for sale, don't put it in the window."

And there is one ad I will not be looking at when I make my 2010 Black Friday shopping list.

A-Typical Interview

For those of you who don't know, my husband works at a nursing home. As part of his duties, he is responsible for handling the admittance process for new residents, which includes a variety of paperwork and a pre-screening type interview.

One of the questions he has to ask about the person being admitted is whether or not they were ever a convicted sex offender, because, you know, nursing homes don't want to admit potential threats to their communities.

So on one recent day he is interviewing a man who is admitting his wife, and my husband gets to the part of the interview where he has to ask if the woman is a convicted sex offender.

The man's response?

"Well if she was, I was sure missing out."

Costco Fail

Recently I was making a run to Costco. I typically love shopping at Costco, but the one Costco experience I could do without is having to show your membership card upon entrance. I'm not sure why they do that, since you can't actually purchase anything without a membership card anyway, so it seems to be somewhat of a redundant effort.

But I digress. The reason it is my least favorite Costco experience is because I can never seem to manage to have the card out and ready to show in an efficient manner prior to actually entering the store. My best efforts are almost always derailed by a cell phone that rings at an inopportune moment, or a cart that doesn't realize that I am supposed to control the direction in which it travels, leaving me fiddling for my membership card as the greeter, and inevitably a line of people behind me, wait.

But on one recent trip no unwanted distractions occurred during the walk from the parking lot to the store, and I was actually able to pull my membership card out of my wallet prior to entering. I was quite proud of my accomplishment, so you can imagine my disappointment when the greeter didn't even glance at my card as I was approaching the entrance.

So what did I do? Why I repositioned the card of course, putting it in a location where she could not help but see it (actually, she probably couldn't have avoided it if she tried).

You can imagine my surprise and confusion, then, when instead of smiling at me and welcoming me to Costco, a place in where my membership card clearly indicated I belonged, the greeter looked at me like I was an escapee from a local mental institution.

Then I realized the card I had taken such care to show to her wasn't my Costco membership card at all, but a rewards card for a local gas station chain.

Battle of the Bulge

Recently Hubby and I went out to eat. Somehow, we got on the topic of breakfast, and Hubby mentioned that during a recent morning commute to work, the dry cereal he had brought to munch on just didn't seem that appealing anymore.

What did Hubby want to eat instead? A doughnut.

Both Hubby and I have been experiencing weight gain in the last few years. Nothing extreme, but neither of us is in the shape we once were, or in the shape we'd like to be.

So Hubby tells himself that he does not need a doughnut. The cereal he brought is just fine. He continues on his way, and then remembers that he is low on gas, and needs to stop at a gas station before work.

This is somewhat problematic, because the station he has stopped at also sells doughnuts.

"I do not need a doughnut, I do not need a dough nut, I do not need a doughnut," Hubby tells himself.

This strategy almost works. Almost. Before leaving, Hubby notices that the station has a special on doughnuts: by one, get one free.

So what does Hubby do? I'll let him tell you in his own words:

"So I didn't buy a doughnut. I bought two."

Prairie Dogs Have Plague

My apologies to all my regular readers (all two of you) for the lack of posts this year. The job is consistently crazy, and even on those nights when I'm home at a reasonable hour, my brain is usually too fried to come up with a decent post.

That being said, I have wanted to share with you our recent trip to Mt. Rushmore. It was one of those things on my must see list, and we were able to take a road trip this summer for a long weekend vacation (of course, our recent acquisition of this no doubt helped motivate Hubby for said road trip).

Mt. Rushmore is about an 8-hour drive from the Twin City area...8 hours of corn fields and prairie grass until just before you reach the Black Hills National Forest, where you suddenly find yourself in some of the prettiest scenery I've ever seen anywhere in the U.S.

We stayed at the Best Western Golden Spike Inn in Hill City, which is right in the Black Hills National Forest. Because we were going at what was rapidly approaching peak summer vacation travel time, we bid for our hotel through Priceline in the hope that we would get some sort of discount. We got a room for $115/night that was advertised everywhere else for $150, so initially I was satisfied. However, when we arrived at 9 PM after our 8-hour plus road trip and checked into our room we discovered that it was dirty. I can tolerate a lot as far as hotel rooms go, but dirty isn't one of them. Our room had two queen beds, and when we pulled the sheets back on the first, we found brown stains on the white sheets. We told ourselves it was chocolate, and turned to the other bed. Same brown stains there, except this time they were on the duvet. I am horrified at this point. I went back to the check-in desk to ask for either clean sheets or a new room.

And at this point, I must say that the staff at the Best Western Golden Spike Inn went above and beyond anything I expected to accomodate us. They moved us to a different room, which was really a luxury accomodation. It was a two bedroom apartment, with a full bath, vanity sink outside the bath, full living room and full kitchen, complete with refrigerator, coffee maker, microwave and dishes. It was the biggest hotel room I've ever been in. They told us at the time that this particular room would not be available our whole stay and that we would have to move the next morning, but we were fine with that. We had paid for a standard room, and certainly were fine with staying in a (clean) standard room, which is what we assumed we'd have the next morning.

But once again we were shocked (in a good way) at the level of customer service at the Best Western Golden Spike Inn. The next day we were placed in a suite, complete with jacuzzi tub and fireplace. This suite had a separate sitting area, two TV's, and a kitchenette. It was really one of the nicest hotel rooms I've ever been in. Even though the first room had some issues, I would still recommend and stay at this hotel again based on the customer service. I would even pay full price for one of those suites. Which is saying a lot--we try to never pay more than $100/night for a hotel room.

We were able to pack a lot into our extended weekend. Besides seeing Mt. Rushmore (which is amazing--if you haven't seen it, you really should try--pictures do not do it justice), we took several scenic drives and saw a lot of wildlife, took a tour of Jewel Cave, one of the largest caves in the U.S., "hiked" to an underground waterfall (it was a .6 mile walk), hiked around one of the lakes in Black Hills National Forest, went to a wild horse sanctuary to see wild horses, saw the Black Hills, and stopped at two Laura Ingalls Wilder museums. I grew up reading the Laura Ingalls Wilder books, and being able to step into the house she lived in and see things that I read about and that she actually owned was a really cool experience for me. The wild horse sanctuary, in addition to having several herds of wild mustangs, also had one of the oldest post office boxes in the U.S. It was literally a small wooden shack built back in the days of the pony express. There were also ancient hieroglyphics that National Geographic has even featured in one of their shows.

It's definitely an area of the country I would recommend seeing. But I will stop talking now and show you the pictures, since they are more convincing than anything I could ever say. Enjoy!

Mt. Rushmore

Mt. Rushmore through a tunnel. On one of the scenic drives we took, there were several tunnels carved out of rock that were only big enough for one car to go through at a time. This was one of them.

Inside Jewel Cave

Wild Mustang herd

Baby wild mustang

Hieroglyphics

Old post office

Baby mountain goat--one of the many wildlife creatures we saw. We were really as close to them all as the pictures make it seem.

Antelope

Prairie dog--I loved these little guys, even if there was a sign outside of the entrance to the Badlands National Park that they had plague.

Deer

Buffalo and baby

Badlands--it was much prettier here than I thought it would be.

Sounds of Summertime in the Ghetto

Welcome to the 'hood.

Is it the sound of rap music blaring from a 1987 boombox coming from the upstairs window of the low income housing condominium abutting your backyard that lets you know you live in the ghetto?

Or is it the summer barbecue held on a Tuesday evening at which 30+ people are in attendance and partaking in basketball, loud conversation, dancing and smoking all out on their front lawn because, you know, who wants to party inside and not disturb the neighbors on a weeknight? until the wee hours of the morning that lets you know the neighborhood ain't what it used to be?

Perhaps it's the sound of preschool-aged children having the time of their lives running around the neighborhood unsupervised in their diapers after dark.

Or the sound of social workers slamming their car doors as they make their regular visits.

Or the preteen youth who come to your door and ask if they can have $30 so they can buy a birthday present for their cousin.

Maybe it's the sound of somebody's top-of-the-line car stereo system as they cruise back to the aforementioned low-income housing project they live in.

Or maybe it's the sound of a mother screaming at the top of her lungs from her doorstep instructing the children that she spent the last 3 hours not watching to get back in the house.

Whatever it is, it's time to move.