There is an assumption, or stereotype, if you will, in our society that women are by nature cleaner than men. I am not sure where this assumption came from, but I am here to tell you that based on the vile messes and rank odors I have encountered in the third floor women's restroom of my office building this week, this assumption is not true. In honor of the horrors I have witnessed, I have put together some guidelines for women's public restroom usage:
1. Thou shalt flush thy toilet.
2. If thou has left skid marks, thou shalt flush thy toilet as many times as necessary to get rid of said skid marks.
3. If thou is unable to flush thy toilet, thou will alert all other restroom patrons and preferably a member of the building maintenance crew if one is available that toilet is inoperable.
4. If thou has used the toilet in such a manner as causes it to overflow, thou will alert building maintenance and other bathroom visitors of problem.
5. If thou insists on taking thy cup of coffee into thy toilet stall, thou will clean up any coffee that is spilled in said stall before exiting.
6. Thou will either throw thy cup of coffee away or take it with them when exiting the bathroom.
7. Thou will not attempt conversation with the stranger in the next stall, unless said conversation is imperative to attaining the necessary toilet paper for this particular restroom visit.
8. Thou will hang up thy cell phone before entering the toilet stall.
9. The floor is not a trash can.
10. Neither is the vanity countertop.
11. Thou will wash thy hands after exiting the toilet stall.
12. Thou will wash thy hands after exiting the toilet stall in a rational manner, without splashing water about so as to cover the entire vanity countertop, making it impossible for future restroom visitors to place their purses or other personal items on said counter without getting them wet.
13. If thou insists on having a pool party whilst washing thy hands, thou will at least wipe up the spilled water with a paper towel(s) before exiting the bathroom.
14. If thou is not going to be a lady and sit down on the seat, then thou should be a gentleman and put it up (and then put it back down again when finished).
15. If thou refuses to adhere to Guideline # 14, thou shall make sure toilet and stall are clean prior to exiting.
It's not rocket science, people.