I had a blonde moment to end all blonde moments tonight.
And I'm not even blonde.
You know how when you order checks, they always tell you to verify the information when you receive the new order (do the check making people really think anyone actually does this)? So tonight I'm paying bills, and I'm three batches of checks into a box I ordered about nine months ago. As it always seems to do, the current check batch runs out mid-bill paying, so I grab the next one in the box and continue paying bills. Suddenly, I notice the check numbers aren't in sequence. The new batch is 30 check numbers ahead of the last batch, meaning there are now 30 unaccounted for checks.
"No big deal," I think. I obviously must have grabbed the wrong batch when refilling the checkbook, and the batch with the correct sequence numbers must still be in the box.
Back into the box I go to find the right checks. I glance at all the check numbers on the top of the new batches, but none of them begin with the number of the missing sequence. I put the checks in order according to the number of the top check of each batch, just to make sure I'm not missing anything. (It isn't hard. There are just two batches left: the one I had pulled out, and the one with the reorder form on it.) The check number on the reorder form is the number immediately following the last check in the new batch I just pulled out, meaning it comes after the new batch and there really are 30 checks missing from the box.
I'm a little nervous at this point. Does the fact that I'm missing 30 checks mean it was just a misprint? Or, gulp, does it mean that someone somehow took them at some point in between the time they were printed to the time they arrived in our mailbox? And is there anything that can actually be done about it, since it took me nine months to notice?
"Don't panic," I think to myself. "Call customer service. Surely it was just a misprint and they will straighten it all out."
I call customer service. A talking robot answers the phone, and politely gives me three options to choose from. None of them seem to pertain to my particular dilemma, however, so I say "Customer service," hoping the robot will understand.
The robot does not understand. "I'm sorry," the robot says. "I do not recognize that option. Please choose from the following three options."The robot then repeats the same three options to me.
Quickly realizing there is a very real possibility I might lose this battle, I try a different tactic. "Operator," I say.
"I'm sorry, I did not understand you," the robot politely replies.
"Associate! Representative! HUMAN!" I say to the robot (surely it will have to recognize one of the many verbal options I have just provided).
"I'm sorry. I did not understand you." (We are eons away from being overrun by robots, people, I can assure you.)
Fortunately, the robot is so thoroughly confused at this point, its system goes into its default setting...which means I get transferred to a real live person! Success! But alas, the thrill of my victory was to be short-lived, being very quickly squashed by the realization of my own incredible stupidity.
The customer service rep listens to my predicament and takes down some information. "Do you see a batch of checks with a reorder form on top?" the service rep asks.
"Yes," I reply. I'm still staring right at it.
"What check number is on the reorder form?" the service rep asks.
I give the service rep the check number, the number that begins the last sequence in this particular box of checks.
"Lift up the order form," the service rep instructs me. "Underneath the order form should be the missing check numbers."
What is it that Homer Simpson usually says in situations like these? And why couldn't I have remembered that the check number on the reorder form indicates the first check number of your new order, and does not indicate the check number on the check immediately following the order form before I called customer service?
In other news, I'm pretty sure I just made this blog: http://notalwaysright.com.