Thursday, February 7, 2008

Tweezers, Thy Name is Evil

I used to like my eyebrows. I used to get compliments on my eyebrows. Then, for some inexplicable reason in college, I got bored with my eyebrows and decided it was time for a new shape. That was eyebrow disaster number one. I spent the next several years slowly trying to get my eyebrows back to their original shape with a little pluck here, a little tweeze there (I have never been brave enough to wax my eyebrows), but it wasn't working, so I decided recently that I would be better off just growing them all back in so that I would have a clean slate to work with. This was the beginning of eyebrow disaster number two.

I made it a couple of weeks without tweezing before I officially lost all patience with the forest growing above my eyes and had to tweeze. Had to. It started out innocently enough. I eliminated all hints of a unibrow, and then began the process of un-bushy-ing each individual eyebrow. And that's when it happened. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I got tweezer happy.

At first, one eyebrow just appeared a little thicker than the other one. "This won't do," I thought. "Eyebrows must be symmetrical." So I plucked a few more eyebrow hairs out of the offending brow.

Unfortunately, I must have plucked out some key hairs by accident, because it changed the shape of the arch I had worked so hard to create. So I had to pluck a few more eyebrow hairs from the middle of the brow to get the arch effect I was looking for. But I miscalculated on which hairs to pluck, and only succeeded in creating a pointy-looking effect. I hate pointy eyebrows. There may only be arches, no points. So I plucked a few more hairs from the top of the eyebrow. I really should have put the tweezers down at this point, but I had to get rid of the point.

I stood back to examine my work in the mirror. ARGH!! There was still a point! I selected a few more eyebrow hairs from the top of the brow to eliminate, determined to completely erase the point. I stood back once more to observe my progress, however, what had happened could not be described as progress by any stretch of the means.

I had gotten rid of the point, but in the process had also gotten rid of an entire portion of eyebrow. There was now a visible hole in the middle of the brow. I couldn't believe I had been that careless. I tried to smooth the eyebrow in such a way as to cover the gap, to no avail. I stood there motionless as I tried to come up with a solution. I didn't, so I numbly continued to get ready for work.

Some people need to freeze their credit cards in blocks of ice. Me, I need to freeze tweezers in blocks of ice. Tweezer happy. It's a disease.

I'm just glad my bangs ended up being long enough to cover my eyebrows.


Carolee said...

That made me laugh out loud. I could picture exactly what happened because I have made the same mistakes a time or two.

Mrs. R said...

:) At least there's always eyebrow pencil, right?

Laura said...

Sorry the eyebrow comb-over didn't work out. :( I have never been good at doing mine. I wish in high school someone had shown me how to do it - I cringe when I see pictures.

Jillian said...


Ouch. I get mine waxed... and so far no complaints. The very first time I did it, it hurt like hell... but the more I do it, the less it hurts.

Unless I wait too long in between sessions. You have to plan these things.

MadMad said...

Oh, my goodness - I TOTALLY hear you on this. I have done exactly the same thing, and was laughing while reading this because it was me to a T. Only I don't have bangs to hide behind! Love the blog! Thanks for coming by mine!